FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Official Thunderwheels statement in regards to the Heck On Wheels uprising.
Blue Bell, PA -- March 13, 2004
On March 13th, 2004 senior Thunderwheels members met to discuss the recent explosion in media coverage of our unstoppable worldwide conquest. During the meeting, a small amount of time was wasted discussing the recent outlandish actions by the rebels in Virginia. The full minutes of the meeting will be available in a few days. In the interim, to alleviate an confusion, Thunderwheels Media Relations is issuing this official statement:
As you may be aware, the rebel faction known as "Heck on Wheels" has been making a lot of noise lately in unicycle forums and hangouts, claiming that their insignifigant group is somehow superior to The Thunderwheels. Obviously, all such claims are patently false. We encourage all members of the Unicyclist community to call their bluff in all situations where such statements are made. Furthermore, here are some the actions we have or will soon undertake to further address this foolishness:
1) Henceforth, "Heck On Wheel", formerly known as "Hell On Wheel", has been futher demoted to "Heck on Wheels."
2) Senior Member Chuck Moulton has been appointed as Head of Flamewars in order to meet these fools head on in internet forums.
3) "Heck on Wheels" has recently released a number of clearly fabricated images depicting their triumph in unicycle combat. In the coming weeks, we will release our own images that show the truth.
Members and non-members alike of "Heck on Wheels" are encouraged to renounce and repudiate this rebellious action. Mercy from the eventual beatings may be achieved by applying for membership in The Thunderwheels.
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