FOotnotes to the bad story
Why are you even reading this?

  1. They may not have played their own instruments, but at least they rode their own unicycles. Can't forget to give them credit for that.
  2. Censored for unreasonable stupidity.
  3. Speaking of calculators, my old math teacher, Mrs. Hunter, told our Algebra II/Trig class something witty before she retired. She said that "Your head is the best calculator you'll ever buy, and you don't even have to buy it!" Hold it--Bargain Alert!! It's deals like that one that make me feel good all over.
  4. Pretty stupid, that is. Actually, it looks pretty now. . .after all I've done to it. But let's not get into that yet. Read on.
  5. As hinted at in this paragraph, I shall refer to the unicycle as "her" and "it" interchangeably. This was done deliberately to exhibit my confused feelings about the unicycle, and I created this footnote to ensure against penalization for the perceivedly-misreferenced pronouns.
  6. After all, my foot has had an overactive imagination in the past. But there's no need to reopen old wounds, like the Roller Skating Banana Peel Fiasco, for instance.
  7. Nintendo-64: a brand-new video game system as well as a maddeningly brilliant way to waste time.
  8. Or a first glance, for that matter.
  9. The Student Council decided that ferrets are okay, though.